1. Mall Walkers Are the Navy SEALs of Retirement
This week I discovered that the 7 A.M. mall-walking crowd isn’t messing around.
They don’t stroll — they deploy.
One woman passed me at what I believe was Mach 1.
Another did a tactical corner turn near the Cinnabon that impressed me deeply.
If the nation ever needs a rapid-response unit, call the mall walkers.
They already have the shoes for it.
2. Every Grocery Store Has One Lawless Cart Wrangler
At King Soopers, I witnessed a man return his cart…
by gently nudging it toward the corral from 40 feet away like a lazy Olympic bowler.
The cart did not make it.
A chain reaction occurred.
Three carts broke free and rolled into traffic like they had a death wish.
And yet?
The man nodded in satisfaction and walked away.
Retirement gives you time,
it does not automatically give you courtesy.
3. The Mystery of the “I Just Had It” Glasses
This week I learned that I can lose my reading glasses while wearing them.
Not “on my head.”
Not “in my shirt.”
No.
On. My. Face.
I spent five minutes searching the house like it was a hostage situation.
Then I caught my reflection in the microwave door.
I’m convinced glasses enter another dimension and return only when sufficiently amused.
4. Golf Advice Is 95% Lies
A guy at the course told me:
“Just keep your head down, knees soft, shoulders loose, grip light, weight forward, and swing bigger.”
Sir…
If I follow all that, I will dislocate something.
Retired golfers don’t need more tips —
we need prayer, Advil, and a cart with four-wheel drive.
5. This Week’s Unexpected Gratitude
I found myself grateful for the strange little things:
the warmth of a sun patch on my face
a perfect mid-morning stretch
a neighbor who waved at exactly the right moment
the knowledge that I no longer have to pretend I enjoy meetings
Retirement reveals life’s quiet corners.
And those corners?
Pretty beautiful.
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